A D V E R T O R I A L
A Personal Account By Emma Hart, Author of The Guide
You Don't Have to Have It All Figured Out
You Just Need a Place to Begin
This is How I Got Through The Hardest Week of My Life, and Why I Wrote a Step-by-Step Guide For Other Women Who Want Clarity, Not Chaos
(It's My Own Experience, and Your Situation May Be Different)
It was 11:47 pm, and I was standing in the kitchen of my new home, holding a box of cereal in one hand and my phone charger in the other.
For about ten seconds, I couldn't remember which one I actually needed at the time, but three days before, my life looked a lot different.
Now, I'm surrounded by boxes with all my belongings, and a mattress on the floor of a bedroom in an apartment that didn't feel like it was mine.
Then a text from my sister appeared: "Are you ok? I haven't heard from you in two days!"
I wasn't ok. I was merely surviving, and nobody had told me that these were two very different things!
It would've been great to say that I pulled myself together and made a plan, but the truth was I didn't have one.
I just sat on the floor of the kitchen with my back against the cupboard with the cereal box in my lap and cried.
Here's what I wished someone had told me about the first week after a separation.
It wasn't only the emotional highs and lows or the letters or emails from the lawyer, or the difficult conversations with my ex.
It's the small things like not knowing where the fuse box was.
Forgetting to eat until 4 pm.
Standing in front of an open fridge at midnight because I didn't know what else to do with my hands.
It's the realization that I've read the same text message over 10 times, and I still didn't know how to reply to it.
It's me doing the school run in the morning, and acting as though everything is normal, when nothing is really the same anymore.
No one warned me that grief and admin can arrive on the same day or at the same time, and that I'll be crying about my relationship one minute, then Googling how to read a gas meter in the next.
That the number of micro-decisions that I had to make made me feel as though I've got the burden of the entire planet on my shoulders.
"You don't need to have everything sorted in a week.
You just need to get through it in one piece."
That simple sentence, from a friend who'd been through it two years before me, changed everything.
It changed how I approached every day that followed.
I want to share the seven moments that nearly broke me that week, and a glimpse of what helped.
If you're standing on the edge of this right now, or you're already in the middle of it, I think you'll recognize them.
Day One
The Day Everything Is Just Loud!
When you wake up and your chest is already tight before your eyes are even open.
Everything feels urgent, and nothing feels as though it's going to be possible to achieve.
You can't find your toothbrush, or your bank card, or even your own thoughts.
Your hands are busy doing things around your space (unpacking a box, cleaning a bath, emptying trash, etc.), but your mind is somewhere else.
Everything is loud, and you're the only one who has to hold it all together.
I remember trying to find a clean towel, and bursting into tears over it.
Not because of the towel, but because I couldn't find anything, and it felt like proof that I couldn't cope with anything on my own.
What Helped Me
A small, specific habit that took under five minutes to set up. By that evening, for the first time in three days, I could think straight. (The full step is in the guide.)
Day Two
The Day Your Home Stops Feeling Like Home
This is the day the adrenaline starts to drop and the inner quietness starts to set in, and the quiet is somehow worse.
If you've moved out, you're surrounded by boxes and a bed with no headboard, or just a mattress on the floor.
You're camping in a space that has your name on the rental agreement, but none of your life is in it yet.
If you're staying, you're walking past a closet with empty hangers, or a kitchen drawer with a missing set of keys.
The home that you've lived in suddenly feels strange.
You open the fridge and it's almost empty, and that small fact makes you want to cry more than anything else has all week.
What Helped Me
One decision about my space, made in under ten minutes. It sounds trivial, but it made a real difference to my state of mind. (The full step is in the guide.)
Day Three
The Day You Watch Your Child Try To Make Sense of Everything
If you have children, this is the day that can wreck you more than anything else regarding your situation.
It's them asking you why you and your ex-partner aren't living together any more.
Or, asking you which house their PE kit is at.
Inside, you so badly want to give them certainty, even though you don't have any for yourself.
I remember my daughter asking me, very matter-of-factly...
"So this is my room now, or is it my other room?"
...and me having to leave the room and disappear into the hallway so she couldn't see the reaction on my face.
What Helped Me
One short sentence, repeated each time that week. It was simple, and it reassured her. (The wording is in the guide.)
Day Four
The Day the Money Panic Kicks In
You lie awake doing mental arithmetic.
"Can I pay the rent and the other bills and still eat?"
The cushion of having a second income alongside yours is now gone, and now everything is in your name.
Truthfully, it's not about the numbers, but the underlying fear beneath it all is...
"Can I really do this on my own?"
What Helped Me
One very specific thing with a pen and a pad. Nothing clever, and not financial advice. It quietened my late-night money panics long enough to sleep. (The full step is in the guide.)
Day Five
The Day Your Phone Becomes Your Enemy
By now the adrenaline has completely worn off.
Every notification you receive on your phone makes your stomach drop, even before you've read it.
Reply too quickly, and you may say something that you'll later regret.
Refuse to reply, then end up spending the next hour rehearsing what you should've texted back.
Your phone has now transformed into the last place that you want to deal with anything.
What Helped Me
One simple rule, a single sentence, that acted as a barrier between me and those notifications for the rest of the week. (The rule is in the guide.)
Day Six
The Day When It All Catches Up With You
Exhaustion catches up with you.
For the last few days since your separation, you've been making many decisions all on top of one of the biggest upheavals in your life.
You've also been running around arranging things, trying to establish some level of order in your life.
You feel as though you're constantly in "reaction mode".
What Helped Me
An ordinary object I already owned. It's embarrassingly low-tech, but it's how I got my unfinished tasks under control. (The full step is in the guide.)
Day Seven
The Day You're Able To Look Back Without Judging Yourself
By the end of the week, some women will do one of two things...
they either collapse, or they'll judge themselves for not doing a better job.
I did both.
I sat on the floor of my living room, surrounded by half-unpacked boxes, and mentally listed every single thing I didn't complete.
It felt as though I failed a test.
What Helped Me
One simple question I had never asked myself, not that week and not in all our years together. It's why week two felt different from week one. Everyone's experience is different, but this worked for me. (The question is in the guide.)
THE GUIDE
The First Week After Separation
A Woman's Guide to Starting Over
That's my whole first week, laid out exactly how I experienced it, and exactly how I wished that someone had given me guidance in the beginning.
Inside the 48 page PDF guide:
How To Steady Yourself When You Feel Like You're Falling Apart
The Steps You Should Take To Manage Your Finances
What To Do If You're Moving Out or Staying in The Home
What To Say To Your Children During The Transition
How To Deal with The Things Your Ex Handled Previously
How To Handle Emotionally Triggering Calls or Text Messages
Special Bonus Section Added To Help Manage Your Transition
I wrote it the way I wished someone had written it for me: simple and short to read, practical enough to lean on for seven days or more.
"You don't have to have it all figured out. You just need a place to begin." - Emma Hart
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About the Author
Emma Hart wrote this guide after her own separation from a nine-year marriage, and with a young child to care for.
She wrote it the way she wished someone had written it for her: simple, short and practical.
Important Information
This guide is for general information and education only. It is not legal, financial, tax or mental health advice and does not replace advice tailored to your situation. It is based on personal experience and general practice, and may not reflect the laws or rules where you live.
Individual experiences differ, and results are not guaranteed.
If you feel unsafe or are in crisis, please contact your local emergency services or a qualified professional.
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